The Diaries of Cordelia Chan

Amber - 32^st Apavich PF5

By the time I reached the castle gates Yousheng was starting to get heavy. The guards were a little surprised but waved me through none the less. I'd considered doing all sorts of things as I'd stomped my way though the back streets of the Upper City, but by the time I reached the castle and my tower, the physical effort of carrying Yousheng had caused me to calm down. I also needed a bath and something to eat. 

I laid Yousheng on the sofa, hit the service bell, and waited. Up until that moment I'd never waited for more than two minutes for a servant to appear, although more often than not they'd arrive before I even got to press the bell and usually with what I'd been thinking of requesting or at least something approaching it. Time ticked by. I weighed up my options, settling for the bath over cakes.

I dropped my sword next to Yousheng, and shrugged my way out of my clothes as I made my way up the stairs.I'd been in the bath about 10 minutes when I heard the sound of the door closing down stairs. Grabbing a robe, principly to avoid dripping all over the place, I made my way down stairs and was surprised to find Vialle sitting on the sofa . She had obviously heard my approach for she beckoned me to sit next to her. She'd had some of the left over profiteroles from dinner added to the tray with some fresh cream. She waited until I had a mouth full of them before she began.

"I hear that you were the victim of one of Fiona's suggestions a little earlier and that my husband thought it rather amusing."

I stopped chewing and looked at her, a pointless exercise given that she is blind. As if reading my mind she continued.

"Taking your justified anger out on me won't get you very far and won't achieve anything in the long run. Neither will running off into shadow like a spoilt teenager in a strop." I swallowed hard, opened my mouth then shut it again, leaning back on the sofa as I did so. She was right, storming off into shadow wouldn't achieve anything except perhaps to make me look stupid.

"I'm not going to storm off into Shadow as you put it"

"But you'd thought about it. If you hadn't had your bodyguard with you you wouldn't be here now would you."

I didn't respond. 

She smiled. "So what are you going to do?"

I refilled my bowl with chocolates and poured myself a mug of coffee. It was sometime before I responded."I don't really know but at the moment I don't feel inclined to run errands to Dakota".

"I see.  Tell me how do you feel about what happened after you encountered the Shadow Storm."

Her change of tack threw me. "What's that got to do with what happened tonight?".

"Nothing directly. So how do you feel about it?"

"I haven't really thought about it".

"If it were me I'd be really angry. You were asked at very short notice to hell ride knowing a major shadow storm would follow your track, overhaul you, and most likely kill or seriously injure you. Then having survived you were told to come home where another job you knew nothing about was lined up for you and what's more you were told to practice your exercises into the bargain. If it were me I'd have thought about it quite a lot on that sea voyage home."

"Well I'm not you and I didn't.".

"If thats what you say then I'm not going to argue with you. Changing the subject can you do something for me then. Ring the servants call bell as I could do with another mug of chocolate, then cut me a piece of cake."

I moved across to the bell and tugged it. Then cut a piece of the chocolate cake, put it on a plate, and handed it to her. Locating the edge of the table with her foot she put the plate down on it. 

"So how do you like your new apartment? I'm not sure that I could cope with being spread out over 3 floors or cope with having a bathing pool and bed co located in what effectively is the same room."

"Why this sudden interest in my well being? I didin't ask for an early morning psyche session."

"Do you want me to leave then? I doubt Yousheng will be conscious for another hour or two and you're not sleeping together - or was the arrangement of his apartment just a charade?"

I whirled round, almost forgetting she was blind, and screamed "Get Out before I ...."

She sat as impassively and unmoving as before. "Before you ....... show any more of your true feelings?"

I hurled the coffee mug across the room. It exploded in a mass of shards and a shower of half cold coffee. I immediately regretted my loss of control but she was so infuriating.

"Now we're getting some where, fancy breaking anything else? I'm sure the chairs would disintergrate wonderfully. Let me know if you want to smash the table though; I'm not particullaly fond of glass in my cake."

There was a knock at the door. Vialle said nothing. The knock came again louder this time. Still she said nothing. Angrily I shouted "Come". The first girl entered carrying the tray upon which rested Vialle's mug of chocolate and two empty coffee cups. The second a few steps behind her had a bucket, mop, dustpan and brush, and a large cloth. She crossed the room and began clearing up the coffee.

It was just too much. "Get Out! Get Out! Get Out!". I was screaming now.

Two things then happened. The servants fearing some sort of assault bolted for the door, and I found myself being hugged by Vialle, who had moved from the sofa with remarkable speed. With her arm around me she steered me back on to the sofa.

Picking up the mug of chocolate, she put it into my hand. "Drink. It'll make you feel better."

The chocolate was warm and soothing. Drinking the chocolate also forced me to stop crying and calm down. I put the mug down on the table and turned to face her. She was smiling now. "Feeling better?"

"No!" It was a statement both of us knew to be untrue. She laughed. "You need to learn not to bottle things up so much. My husband is many things but he's not an ogre. He's more likely to take you out and get you drunk than bite your head off. That was possibly what he intended this evening but we hadn't planned on the events concerning your half brother."

"It's not Random I have the problem with"

"I take it therefore that you're referring to Fiona. Unfortunately she does require a certain amount of handling. She has a jealous and vindictive streak she hides very well and her hard shell act belies a deep seated insecurity. I have long suspected she is more than a little jealous of her younger sister, and you having something of her "free spirit" but lacking her experience makes you an easy target."

"So she just going to keep picking on me then."

"That's not what I meant. You're going to have to win her round  In many respects Fiona is as intolerant and unforgiving as Llewella, but you seem to have won her round."

"Llewella's different.  For a start she's not got a corn cob stuck up her arse."

Vialle suppressed a smile. "They're not as different as you might think  They're both the products of the environments in which they were raised. Understand the environment and you'll have a better understanding of them. Given what I know about your shadow it should be far easier for you than if the shoe were on the other foot, plus you're considerably younger than both of them."

I looked at her. Her last statement was probably the most significant thing she'd said.

I leaned forward and kissed her. "You'd better be going. Random will be wondering where you are. I'm sure he'll also want to know if you've talked me into going to Dakota or not." 

She offered me her hand and I helped her to her feet. "My husband doesn't know I'm here  I very much doubt he'll be back from Dave's for several hours yet. Whether you go to Dakota or not is your choice. We're not part of a dictatorship and you won't be executed, court martialed, or exiled for not going."

"But  if I don't go you'll make my life difficult."

"Your life is already difficult. Whether you like it or not you're a member of the Bariman family.  What you can control though is whether or not the family help you with your difficulties or not.  I'm sure you'd miss the use of Flora's wardrobe for instance or the protection of the Amber Navy, or the use of the stables."

I was about to launch into another tirade but she put her finger on my lips. "We'll all have constraints as to what we can and cannot do. Being a member of the family is just like being an employee of a company. Large or small, if the company is to prosper then everyone has their job to do. If they do it well they get rewarded, if they do it badly they get the sack. The higher up the food chain you are the greater the responsibility, and you're very close to the top. There is a city of 50,000 people below us whose livelihoods either directly or indirectly depend on what we do.And a considerable number more in the surrounding regions."

With that she turned, walked across the room and left. I stood there for several minutes until a low groan from Yousheng broke my thought train. I picked him up and carried him upstairs.

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